Hair Goals

Hair takes a long time to get done, thankful for Podcasts!

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Things I am discovering about myself and my hair:

1. I am determined to complete this transition to natural hair.

2. I look up to the hills, from whence doth my willpower come? (Number 1 above is due to the fact that I have announced it to the world through my blog, that I am transitioning to natchee.)

3. Finger-Detangling hair is so good for the muscles of the upper limb, talk about tone!

4. I am not a hair person: I’d rather have another person do my hair than do it by myself. (Hair takes a long time to get done, thankful for Podcasts!)

5. Why am I not a hair person?

6. Going natural is cost effective in the long run. Realistically, a clarifying shampoo, cheap conditioner, water and shea butter/coconut oil are all the ingredients I will need to maintain a healthy head of hair.

7. Don’t touch your hair when you are not in a good mood: this is a cardinal rule.

8. Sticks and stones may break my bones but twists will never hurt me.

9. I must continue to do everything in my power to keep my hair stretched out at all times.

10. Trim: what is dead needs to be cut off and discarded.

How to become a Childhood Friend

There is no such thing as a perfectly written eulogy. – Ijeoma Wogu 2016

Coming up with the title of this short, I had Prof. Wole Soyinka and Mr. Okey Ndibe in mind
Re: The man died. Foreign gods Inc.

I have a gazillion Childhood Friends. I pray for them everyday, I love them and wish for nothing but the best for them, all the time.


Ifunanya and I went to Secondary School together where we hardly said ten words to ourselves for the entire period of three years we spent in the same confinements. We got into the same University and became inseparable. We were familiar in an unfamiliar place, so we became a team (makes you wonder about the beauty of biology doesn’t it?) helping each other through our individual life battles and culture shock. She is the only person in the world that has asked me to be her ‘birthday maid’, as in a maid of honour but for her birthday and not her wedding. She recently came down with malaria and she reacted to her treatment, the following conversation ensued:


IFUNANYA:
Had drip yesterday.
And injections.
Was reacting to a malaria drug
So they had to suppress it
 JAYJEYSTIC:
Ndo o
What drug?
IFUNANYA:
Serious tremors tho, weakness and loss of appetite
Lol
I have try
I’m a survivor
 JAYJEYSTIC:
Malaria na bastard Sha
 IFUNANYA:
Camosunate
 JAYJEYSTIC:
The stuff sounds like something they use to fight Boko haram
Camo
 IFUNANYA:
Looool
This geh


Tayo is the one friend to whom I have reported all my major life events since we were teenagers, since the early Facebook and BBM days. When I passed my SSCE, when I got into university, when I failed a course in university, when I was in an accident, when I moved continents, when I had that existential crisis on virginity and what not, when I had to go to different embassies by myself I hatched an elaborate plan and ran it by him. That time I tweeted about how much I appreciate all my friends that look out for me, I was referring to Tayo because he had asked:


TAYO:
How e dey go
JAYJEYSTIC:
E get as e be [ long chat where I pour out my frustrations, which I was unaware were gathered at the brim of my mind, waiting to come out]
Thanks for asking.
TAYO:
*one strength emoji* I like your spirit though. Keep up the ‘fight’ and don’t be discouraged.
JAYJEYSTIC:
Thanks. Same to you.
TAYO:
*one kiss emoji*
JAYJEYSTIC:
Aww *four kiss emojis*


Chisom walked down the corridor of Manuwa Hall with her freshly braided head of hair that made her hang her neck at an angle to help reduce the pain, she looked a bit puffy, and ready to take on Monday morning simultaneously. We didn’t notice her until she started taking off her slippers by the door, She exclaimed in her peculiar way when she finally entered the room “Ah! You guys are eating Plantain and you didn’t invite me!“. The first thing that struck me about her was her complexion. She was the fairest person I had ever seen, Omalicha. The second thing was that she wore socks indoors, like me. Ours was predestined. In the following weeks, we shared our stories, zoomed in on our similarities and there was no stopping us. By the time it was the Student Union Government election season, we had formed our own version of the cool kids subculture in school. Once, during the campaigns, an aspirant came to the hostel to talk to Chisom and when he left she said to me smiling “I feel like we’re the Kingmakers, we are important in this election, we decide who wins…“. Chisom taught me how to acknowledge my privilege in life and how to use it. To an extent, she taught me how to be human. When I won a beauty pageant it was Chisom behind the scenes, literally. Before I left Nigeria she invited me to her parents’ house in Abuja, twice. We sat down and talked about this and that and it was that week it got real for me: I was leaving my friends behind, I even said to myself “I’m not going to make new friends abroad“.


Kingsley and I met in 2014, he doesn’t know this but the very first time I met him, he was teaching a tutorial. I was listening to him teach and that was when I saw him through the eyes I imagine Simon Cowell uses to judge Got-Talent shows, and by the time we were done with the tutorial, I was Simon hitting the Golden Buzzer for him to move on to the “live shows”. That night, when I got back to my room I made a tweet about him. I said how he was full of promise and how he was a great teacher. Time did it’s thing and sooner than I had expected, we actually became sort of friends. I think he also  came to see me with the “Simon Cowell googles” but I’m not sure, you can never be sure when it comes to that boy. Kingsley recently entered into a short story competition called #JollofRice by Okadabooks and he won the first round, (by getting the highest number of votes/reads from the general internet public). His story was unique, very very well written, funny, Nigerian and relevant to the time it was written. Today I woke up to a Whatsapp from Kingsley:


KINGSLEY:
I lost * three crying emojis*
JAYJEYSTIC:
You won.
Don’t say that.
KINGSLEY:
Lol. Don’t worry I am over the loss now.
JAYJEYSTIC:
Okay.

I think I reacted to the message in the way he expected. To a large section of the people I have come to befriend, I am that friend who believes in your dreams fiercely, as if they were mine. The grounded one, you know, the one that scolds. The one that hands out tough love cookies without batting an eyelid, also the one you can rely on to reassure you. Kinda like my version of what Tayo is to me.


Bunie was my sister’s next door neighbour at her place off campus, He was also her classmate. I found him annoying in the way you find a tall, handsome, light-skinned boy that goes to your Teenagers Church annoying and the feeling was mutual. We got along despite each other, I was staying with my sister that semester and Bunie’s Chess board worked its magic to bring us together. It was our common ground. As usual there was no light/power that night in my sister’s room. We played two sets by candle light and he won both so I lost interest in the game. Sore loser that I am. We bickered and bantered, I started playing with the matchbox.  I lit a matchstick and blew it out, put it in my mouth and instantly felt like smoking something, anything. My sister’s room was on the second floor, I got up from my position on the floor and opened the window, sat on the window stool with half my upper body leaning outside, there was neither burglary proof nor mosquito net standing guard so it was just human, window, and night breeze. There was a piece of paper on her table, I reached for and took it, rolled it, not minding what was written on it. Bunie was carried away with the business of arranging the board for another round, he looked up at me when he sensed burning paper and shouted in horror

“what are you doing?!”

His voice was laced with concern and panic? I laughed and coughed. Bunie warned me to stop playing with fire and in that moment, he too became my Childhood Friend, for life.


For: Kayode (Sir Kassanova) Adeniji.
1994-2016
Sun re o, ore mi atata

A NIGERIAN QUIRK #6

YAGAZIE EMEZI let me in on something…

Yagazie Emezi

JAYJEYSTIC : I recently started a series called “A Nigerian Quirk” on my growing blog (THIS BLOG) and I am craving your indulgence, to share a ‘Quirk’ you have come to associate with being Nigerian.

YAGAZIE EMEZI :   Wow, a quirk?!?

JAYJEYSTIC : Yep.

YAGAZIE EMEZI :  I really couldn’t classify anything as just a Nigerian quirk seeing as we are just too many lol.

JAYJEYSTIC : *S.O.S*

YAGAZIE EMEZI :  Mine is more of a fact lol

JAYJEYSTIC : LOL, even better. I wonder what it is?

YAGAZIE EMEZI : – our perception of time with saying ,”I’m coming” or “I’m on my way.” when we really are not lol!

JAYJEYSTIC : HAYY!!! So true! Thank you 🙂

Yagazie Ledi Francisca Emezi is a personality known for her unabashed, humorous and warm nature on her digital platforms. – YouTube

 

LOVE FOUND

I have woken up to listen to Asa’s lyrics on two separate occasions in the past 3 moons, When my aunt died it was Baby Gone, today Bibanke.

Pictured above is the Love Garden in UNEC (University of Nigeria, Enugu Campus). It is where young lovers go to at night to express their love, other notable things happen here but that is a story for another day. Maria photographed it on a nice day in 2014 after the flowers had been expertly manicured by the Groundskeepers.Thus goes the story of Love Found.Love did not come to Maria in the Love Garden. She was very well known for being a controversial person when she started school at UNEC, she had the temper of ten angry men and the sharpest tongue to go with it and rest assured she knew how to make perfect use of her arsenal. To cut the story short, she didn’t have many friends because the general perception of those close enough to try to befriend her was that she was a handful! Okon on the other hand, always fancied himself as an alté person, he found Maria interesting and befriended her when they were both in their first year of school. Maria and Okon became really close and he succeeded in rubbing off his coolest-young-man-in-the-room attitude on her. She adored Okon. To the ordinary eye, they appeared to be in Love! But no, what they had between themselves was sacred. Love couldn’t begin to describe it.  They called themselves best friends as many others the world over, who find themselves in similar situations, tend to do. Maria and Okon eventually had some problems in their friendship when she suspected that  he had gone on to befriend someone else. The trust she had in him, for him, and in their best-friendship dissipated before she knew what was happening. She felt betrayed by him and confronted him but he simply dismissed her feelings, he thought she was being such a babe about it, after all, they weren’t in an exclusive relationship. Okon carried on with his new friend while trying to maintain what was left of his and Maria’s relationship. Whenever they spoke about the other woman he saw it as an avenue to tease Maria about how clingy/jealous (he basically appointed himself judge and jury over their matter) she was. Months went by and they weaved a new kind of dynamic in their friendship in which Maria accommodated Okon. She did it because she still admired and valued Okon, she respected his choices and brought herself to care less and less about the effect they had on her. Maria met someone new and her world was turned on its head by the forces responsible for such events… same forces that she suspected for telling the butterflies when to start flapping their tiny wings in our tummies when we are flattered by the sheer existence of another human being. In those days she touted her dedication to her friendship with Okon but when the forces came along, it was surreal, that her, Maria, would go out there and allow herself to desecrate the same friendship which she fought countless  losing battles with Okon for. That she, Maria had gone to bring the other man. That she found Love and it was not Okon. She was subdued by the emotions. Maria took out time to evaluate the outcome of her happily ever after with the other man and she was forced to grow up in the wake of the events, and take in the lessons that came with her friendship situation, one of them was that happiness is sometimes selfish and everyone deserves to be happy. She was on the other end for the first time and it was only then that she sympathized with Okon and the other woman.

the END.

MED SCHOOL IS WAR #4 (POTENTIAL ENERGY)

Sun-tzu, The Art of War

“Master Sun said:

Managing many
            Is the same as
            Managing few;
            It is a question of
            Division.”

TRANSLATION: prepare a study time-table and follow it judiciously. You may ask ‘why would I want to do that?’ Well, you should do this because allotting time to your various activities helps you to put your life in order. You can actually do it (live your life) like those in the Arts if you master the use of (manage) your time. You can achieve this if you purposefully divide your time.