“You know these things are choreographed”.

On U.S.America(n) Politics in 2016 – observed by a young Nigerian girl.

SO. Let’s get this out of the way, Trump is not the kind of man a rational Nigerian girl will like to lead her country not to talk of America the great and powerful land of promise flowing with Ivy League education, Dollars and Lupita. At first it was like a joke, news that Donald J. Trump was running for President of the United States of America – cue laughter: Ha-ha-ha! The Nigerian and Pan-African world is still high off of 2008, you remember what happened then don’t you? Anyway everybody in the world knows that Black Americans in Politics are supposed to be Democrats thanks to U.S.A Media, so naturally, I was thinking along the lines of supporting Dr. Ben Carson – black man, separated conjoined twins in the 80’s, etc. – but he turned out to be Republican so the idealization that he was going to succeed B. H. Obama ended abruptly. That said, Benjamin Carson sounds like President material by my Nigerian standards, he is a Neurosurgeon and duh! every Nigerian knows that all doctors walk on water. I am however not an expert on Nigerian standards and I do not claim to be one.

Conclusion: Not Donald J. Trump no, no, definitely not Trump. We would’ve LOVED to experience 2008 again. Where is your loyalty Dr. Ben?  #eyeroll

Then it stopped being a joke, at which point we the Nigerians that naturally love to carry American politics on our heads paused to look around. We couldn’t believe it. Donald J. Trump was nominated and all the American Republicans that made his nomination possible lost our respect. We would’ve understood a Bush nomination, I mean, we understand monarchies  – Nigerian Princes are the only real African Princes you’d ever hear about in the news, don’t quote me. Think about it this way, Jeb’s dad was President, his brother was also president, why not him? “Turn by turn” would’ve sufficed but you guys went and picked Trump! Bloody hell. I daresay Republicans pulled a fast one on the African continent. We are not happy at all. Trump is not our kind of guy. He threatened to deport all the illegal immigrants, do you even know what that means for us? do you?!

Conclusion: Anybody but Donald.

Now, Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton lost to our beloved brother B. H. Obama in 2008, she was tough then and she still is now, just look at how she bounced back from that bout of Pneumonia that recently reared it’s ugly head. As a young Nigerian female I am susceptible to admiring everything she represents, she’s a mother, a long-suffering wife, an educated woman, well traveled, she’s published, she is fearless, she leads where men have not dared to lead, she does not buy into that patriarchal bullshit that is peddled to girls from the day they’re born to the day they die, she likes hot sauce – Nigerian women like spicy food. She is so bold she called out Republicans on behalf of all the confused people on The African continent, without mincing words (She said that you people are DEPLORABLE and I don’t blame her at all). At this point I’d like to recognize her Wardrobe team, great job through and through, you all deserve fat bonus cheques from Mrs. Clinton and lest I forget, Aunty Anna Wintour you goddess of fashion, THANK YOU for the White Pant Suit re: DNC grand finale. Now where was I?

Conclusion: Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton is #goals.

Speaking of the Democratic National Convention. Bernie Sanders, I cannot begin to say how sorry I feel about how things turned out for you….what a tragic, heart breaking end to an inspiring journey. We all saw what happened, but only God in heaven knows what you did in the past or who you sold something of yours to (soul?), because we are still not understanding what transpired, and how you let this happen to you with your two eyes open. At a time when all we heard was Hillary Benghazi this and Hillary email server that, we were Berning for you, from North to South, East to West, Africans all over respected you. Please go and settle with whoever you quarreled with because things ended in a way they were not supposed to end. You would’ve made a very good leader, with your kind heart and all your wisdom, all those years of research just wasted anyhow. Only God knows why.

Conclusion: #StillFeelingTheBern

A Bernie Sanders supporter attends the 2016 Democratic National Convention at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Penn., on Thursday, July 28, 2016. (LiPo Ching/Bay Area News Group)

Now to the part we’ve all been waiting for. Am I with her?”

After watching The 2016 Democratic National Convention via Youtube (Best week of 2016 by the way, the motivation was on another level, I felt enlightened afterwards) I asked my dad the most important question any daughter can ask her father at such a defining period in her life: Who do you support? His answer brought me ‘home’. He said and I quote “You know these things are choreographed”.

I was not expecting that at all. Nigerian parents always talk about Politics with so much fervour, whether it is American or local and the way my Father put his response sent two strong messages to me:

  1. Trump is not a worthy candidate so there’s no point getting emotionally invested in this election in the first place, it is an insult to the informed mind to debate whether or not Trump should assume the office of POTUS in 2017.
  2. Hillary is probably guilty of some criminal offences- according to The Court of African Parents’ Public Opinion and so we should face our collective front and let the white Americans sort themselves out this time around after all they got themselves there all by themselves, besides, we are not in 2008 anymore.

Conclusion: I am not eligible to vote in the USA on the 8th of November but if I was, regardless of my Father’s sentiments I’d vote for Mrs. Clinton over Mr. Trump because at this point that is the reasonable thing to do.